The very first time someone called me an inspiration, It felt very weird. I was not sure how to respond to that. I know it was meant to be a compliment, but my heart broke a little because I knew they really didn't know how to respond to my diagnoses which is understandable but it hurt and I didn't know why. I don't really think that you ever completely except something like FA. But it does get easier to understand and with that makes you appreciate the life you were given. I did not want people to look up to me because I was scared to accept my reality myself.
Yes I have to deal with a life shortening, debilitating disease. But I did not choose this life. I did not choose to be an inspiration. But one thing I do know is that I am going to choose to stand up and fight the battle that I was called to. I was worried that if I accepted the fact that I inspired people I would let people down but instead it inspired me. The thought of people looking up to me makes me wants to be better not only for me but for those people too. Something that used to be heartbreaking for me to hear, I take and use it now as a push to keep fighting when I want to give up. Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the lesson that you are going through and look at it as a blessing. You have to use your hard times to help you grow.
As things become clearer for me and I become more accepting and try to be more of an advocate for FA, I realize the importance of sharing not only the good experiences but the not so good ones too. The whole point of this blog is to try and help others as well as helping myself, having a space to freely share what I am going through and also hoping to reach others that may be struggling or going through something similar.
Allow whatever you are going through have the capability of making you an inspiration to someone.
-M
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