Sleeping for 13 hours but not feeling refreshed or rejuvenated whenever you wake up, having to go lay down and rest every 15 minutes while doing your hair and makeup, feeling like you ran a marathon just by walking up or down the stairs, taking 20 minutes to carefully change your earrings.
Having FA is a constant mind game of planning out what is worth using my energy on that day. Mustering up the energy to walk from the house to the car. It wears me out to brush my teeth on some days. Or having to say no to something because you are literally running on empty.
When people say “I’m tired” they truly do not understand the definition of those words.
I don’t use my wheelchair because I can’t walk. I use my chair because it allows me to not expend all or my fuel getting somewhere and not being able to enjoy it when I get there.
For a while I looked at the chair as an end point. I looked at it as I was giving up. I looked at it as a bad thing but it was quite the opposite. The chair is a tool, an energy saver, and a beginning of something new.
Sometimes you have to loose something that is valuable to see and know something bigger and better exists.
Sometimes you have to loose something that is valuable to see and know something bigger and better exists.
It’s 10 days until Christmas! (I don’t know if anyone else is counting but I sure am!) As the holidays are a special time, they too symbolize an end and a beginning. An end of a year, and a beginning of a life, the birth of our savior.
I take this time to reflect and really think about my year. I have learned so much. God is working in my life and teaching me so many lessons. Some that I like and some that I am not to fond of. Some of the lessons have caused pain and heartache, but even though the obstacles I have walked through may have not been part of my plan, I have been made so much stronger through it all.
I can say that I have become so much more confident in the Lord, knowing I live my life for Him and only Him. In that I have become more confident in myself. I truly believe He holds my hand as I walk through the fire and knowing that brings me peace.
Here is to an end become a beginning...
-M
